Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, 
but seldom, if ever, smell one another?

Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on 
your couch? Or is it still the same old story? 

Dear God: Why are there cars named after the 
jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the 
stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for 
a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding 
around? We do love a nice ride! 

Would it be so hard to rename the “Chrysler 
Eagle” the “Chrysler Beagle”?

Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest 
and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog? 

Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal 
instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, 
beepers, scent ID’s, electromagnetic energy fields, 
and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand? 

Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, 
will I have to apologize?

Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the 
things I must remember to be a good dog. 

1. I will not eat the cats’ food before they eat it or 
after they throw it up. 

2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., 
just because I like the way they smell. 

3. I will not munch on “leftovers” in the kitty litter 
box, although they are tasty. 

4. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar. 

5. The sofa is not a ‘face towel.’ Neither are Mom 
and Dad’s laps. 

6. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff. 

7. My head does not belong in the refrigerator. 

8. I will not bite the officer’s hand when he reaches 
in for Mom’s driver’s license and registration. 

9. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad’s underwear 
when he’s on the toilet. 

10. Sticking my nose into someone’s crotch is an 
unacceptable way of saying “hello”. 

11. I don’t need to suddenly stand straight up 
when I’m under the coffee table. 

12. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur 
before entering the house – not after. 

13. I will not throw up in the car. 

14. I will not come in from outside and 
immediately drag my butt. 

15. I will not sit in the middle of the living room 
and lick my crotch when we have company. 

16. The cat is not a ‘squeaky toy’ so when I play with 
him and he makes that noise, it’s usually not a good thing. 

And, finally, Our last question . . 

Dear God: When we get to Heaven may we have my testicles back?